


we learn from our mistakes

by hawaiiwerewolf



Category: Grand Theft Auto IV
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 19:45:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4192584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawaiiwerewolf/pseuds/hawaiiwerewolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kate's death had been hard for Niko and Packie to deal with, but they've managed to learn how to help each other cope through it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we learn from our mistakes

Niko is well-aware of what it’s like to have Packie here, curled up behind him in bed, arm draped over Niko’s torso and toes nudging at the back of Niko’s calves. It’s become something of a habit. A routine that the two of them just manage to fall into every other night. It’s nothing special, and it’s a little awkward to say the least, but it’s strangely comforting in a way that Niko’s never experienced before.

It’s been well over a week since Kate’s death, leaving Niko and Packie to find themselves falling into this particular routine more often just to cope with the pain. 

Kate’s death had hit Niko hard, and he carried it around like a huge, gaping wound that would never seem to heal. But, it’s nights like this that Niko remembers that Kate was Packie’s sister, his only sister, and the pain must run twice as deeper for Packie than it does for him. 

Packie’s been using Niko as a temporary band-aid for the past week, something to help him forget, if only for a second, and Niko doesn’t mind supplying him with that comfort. 

“She didn’t deserve it,” Packie mumbles into Niko’s back, and he’s been repeating the same mantra so often this past week that for a split second, Niko thinks he might be saying it in his sleep. Then, he feels Packie shift from behind him, his arm tightens around him, and he says it again. “She didn’t deserve it.” 

“I know,” Niko says, voice low and soothing in comparison to Packie’s, which is groggy and crackly from all the excessive crying he’s been doing. He tries hiding it from Niko in an attempt to maintain whatever image he thinks Niko might suit him with, and Niko’s been trying to tell Packie that he doesn’t have to keep his guard up around him, especially in times such as this, without really saying it. 

“She didn’t deserve any of it,” Niko adds, because it’s true, and it felt necessary to get the point across to Packie that he understands, and that he agrees, wholeheartedly. 

“Niko,” Packie sniffles out the word, and Niko turns to look over his shoulder at the other man. Packie’s face is bathed in the city lights pouring in from the nearest window, hues of red and blue dance across his face just enough to illuminate his unreadable expression, and before Niko can attempt to read into it, Packie opens his mouth to speak again. “I love you.” 

It’s something Packie has told Niko many times, and Niko isn’t sure what makes this time any different. 

Packie had once before tried putting off the illusion that he loved fairly easily, but still, Niko never thought that to be necessarily true. Honestly, Packie’s afraid to love, since everything he has loved ends up betraying him or leaving him. Niko plans on doing neither. 

“I love you,” Packie says again, and he says it so easily. Niko will probably never be able to understand how he does it. “you’re me best friend, Niko, and I love you.” 

Niko’s glad that he’s one of the things that Packie can love without regret, that he’s one of the things that can say he loves without having to second-guess himself. 

And Niko knows that Packie means it in a way that’s different. That he loves Niko in a way that’s different from the way he loves to drink or to fight. He says it like he’s _in_ love with Niko, and Niko doesn’t doubt that he is. 

Niko refrains from mentioning that he was in love with Kate, much in the sense that Packie is in love with him. It wouldn’t do any good, and it’d probably make the moment worse, so Niko doesn’t say anything. 

He turns back around and lets Packie shuffle in closer to him. 

He lets Packie’s hand grope around at the bed sheets, finally finding his and settling on top of it. Niko finds the added warmth comforting. The sort of comfort that comes along with promises that one day, he’ll learn to move on from Kate. Although that day may be nowhere near in the future, it’s still out there, and it’s still within reach, and the mere thought of that alone helps ease Niko’s troubled mind for now. 

One day, Packie will be able to move on, as well. They’ll move on together. Cope. Survive. All of it, they’ll help each other through. 

“I love you too, Packie,” and although Niko doesn’t quite mean it in the same way that Packie does, it doesn’t mean that he never will.


End file.
